For the Love of Money

          “Money is the root of all evil” is the most often and misquoted scripture in the Bible. 1 Timothy 6:10 actually reads, “For the love of money is the root of all evil…”  If you don’t believe me, you can also refer to the classic O’Jays hit released in 1973, “For the Love of Money”. In a way that only the O’Jays can, they give poignant examples of the evils brought on by the love of money. They cite the following: people stealing from their mothers, robbing their own brothers and women selling their precious bodies. Indeed, those are some pretty serious acts revolving around the love of money. Amazingly, this song released almost 40 years ago is still relevant today.

When I decided several years ago to begin to aggressively work towards becoming financially independent, I began to pay closer attention to ways to increase my income. I quickly learned that aside from having a salary in the upper six-figure range, which was not going to happen as a high school teacher, I needed to have multiple streams of income. So over the years, I have taken many avenues to achieve my financial goals – some lucrative, others not so much. Along the way, I’ve met people even more determined to make millions than I. In short, I’ve met a lot of people who love money and will do almost anything to get it.

Wanting to have money and even having it, are not the issues. Loving money presents the issue. Contrary to the teachings of my future ex-husband, Diddy and the great Notorious B.I.G. (R.I.P.), more money does not bring more problems. More love of money brings more problems. Love of money from leeching family members, fake friends, and greedy agents creates a lot of the problems that people with money experience. Of course money problems are not limited to these examples, but for the purpose of this particular discussion, they are the most sufficient. When people get a taste of what it’s like to have something they’ve never had before it brings out another side of them. Either they overspend, become overly charitable with mooching family members, or begin to worship the money and spend more time doing whatever it takes to acquire more of it. What I’m talking about is usually a result of the latter.

God wants us to be prosperous, so there is no harm in wanting to have money. The harm arises from a love of money that is deep enough to cause us to change the way we treat people and how we carry ourselves. In my business ventures, I’ve run across people that love you when your numbers are high-can’t get enough of you, could drink your bath water-okay…you get it. But let those numbers drop; let your business start to struggle, and those same associates who could have eaten you up will not want to be bothered-they become disinterested, “miss” all of your phone calls-okay…going too far again, you get the point. Some people will do whatever they have to do to get ahead. They love you when you can contribute to that effort and don’t know you if you are of no benefit to them.  Money, rather the love of it, truly changes things. A person who places the value of money over all else is one to be watched closely.

We all want to live a nice life, but we should never place riches above people, because there are just some things that money cannot pay for. And, the same people that we step on on the way up, may be the ones we need help from on the way down. So, do seek to have it all-you deserve the best! Just don’t allow the love of money to surpass everything else there is to live for.

1 Timothy 6:10 continues, “…which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” In other words, when we place the love of money in such a high regard, we forget about those things upon which our faith should be built and because of that we suffer. Mo’ love of money, Mo’ problems! If Biblical scriptures are not your thing, then just take the advice given by Diamond in The Player’s Club, “make that money, don’t let it make you”. Some people got to have it, some people really need it, in either case, don’t let money rule you!

Until our next conversation…

We Can't Be Friends

Someone must have changed the definition of the word friend and forgot to cc me on the email. This is particularly the case when it comes to relationships between men and women. Relationships that are supposed to be platonic, relationships called “friendships” between men and women, have taken a turn that I apparently know nothing about. It seems the word friend has double, maybe even triple meanings, when used to describe a relationship between a man and a woman.

Case in point: As I was taking my morning run a couple of weeks ago, I was approached and complimented by a fellow-runner. Nothing uncommon. As we completed our workout, he and I engaged in conversation about fitness. Nothing uncommon. At the end of my run, this guy asked me if we could be friends and possibly run together. Again, nothing uncommon. This very same scenario could have easily occurred with a female. I am an equal opportunity friend-maker. So, I said, “Sure!” We agreed on a time to run the next day and exchanged numbers in the event that anything changed. As far as I was concerned, this would be a nice person to keep me motivated during my runs. Nothing more, nothing less. Boy was I wrong.

Before I could arrive home (and I only live about 10 minutes from the park), this guy had sent three text messages, one including a picture of himself! I was outdone! What part of running partners did he not understand? Further, I had already told him that I was romantically unavailable. Why would he think that we would be more than running partners after only one conversation? Needless to say, I informed him that we would, in fact, not be running together and that he should not contact me anymore. Extreme? Maybe so, but I say what I mean and mean what I say. In my world, running partners means running partners and there is no need to text me pictures or anything else not related to running. No double or triple meanings here.

The notion that our interaction meant more than it did had me perplexed until I gave it a bit more thought. Obviously, the word friend is used to describe various types of relationships-not just friendships. Come to think of it, I have friends who misuse the word friend, using it to describe someone with whom they might be creeping, sleeping, or otherwise carrying on. It didn’t cross my mind that this guy would misread our interaction. Maybe I am naïve, but I don’t assume that every man who talks to me is interested in me. For me, he couldn’t be anything other than a running partner. Ya’ll know I got a sweet thang.  But he must be accustomed to dealing with women who play the friendship game; calling themselves friends but participating in activities that go beyond what would be included in a platonic relationship. Otherwise, why would he have this expectation?

Obviously, I am old school when it comes to being friends with men. I have quite a few very close male friends. For me, that is all we are now, all that we have ever been. As far as I know, that’s all we will ever be. I don’t blur the lines between myself and my male friends. There is just no reason to. That’s what my sweet thang is for.  I also do not tell men that we can be friends with the intent of being more than friends. There is just no reason to. It may not be trendy to be upfront with people but I’ve found that it saves a lot of confusion in the long run. I won’t be sitting around wishing I never did it and wishing I never loved it, all because I used the word friend in the wrong context. No thank you. I will continue to be clear about my intentions with people, especially men.

If I do not intend to be more than friends, I will not pretend that I do. I know that most women will continue to play games with men by doing the following: going on dates with guys they aren’t interested in, taking multiple drinks from a guy at the club then proceeding to ignore his calls for the next two weeks, or stringing him along knowing that she is already involved with someone who she plans to remain involved with-all the while, claiming this guy as a friend. I just hope that you all understand that when we play these games, we change the rules for not only ourselves but for all the other women out there who are seeking true friendships and relationships. Do what you will, but as for me, I’ll maintain that we can’t be friends, unless we are truly being friends.

Candidly speaking, I’ve enjoyed our conversation.