Someone must have changed the definition of the word friend and forgot to cc me on the email. This is particularly the case when it comes to relationships between men and women. Relationships that are supposed to be platonic, relationships called “friendships” between men and women, have taken a turn that I apparently know nothing about. It seems the word friend has double, maybe even triple meanings, when used to describe a relationship between a man and a woman.
Case in point: As I was taking my morning run a couple of weeks ago, I was approached and complimented by a fellow-runner. Nothing uncommon. As we completed our workout, he and I engaged in conversation about fitness. Nothing uncommon. At the end of my run, this guy asked me if we could be friends and possibly run together. Again, nothing uncommon. This very same scenario could have easily occurred with a female. I am an equal opportunity friend-maker. So, I said, “Sure!” We agreed on a time to run the next day and exchanged numbers in the event that anything changed. As far as I was concerned, this would be a nice person to keep me motivated during my runs. Nothing more, nothing less. Boy was I wrong.
Before I could arrive home (and I only live about 10 minutes from the park), this guy had sent three text messages, one including a picture of himself! I was outdone! What part of running partners did he not understand? Further, I had already told him that I was romantically unavailable. Why would he think that we would be more than running partners after only one conversation? Needless to say, I informed him that we would, in fact, not be running together and that he should not contact me anymore. Extreme? Maybe so, but I say what I mean and mean what I say. In my world, running partners means running partners and there is no need to text me pictures or anything else not related to running. No double or triple meanings here.
The notion that our interaction meant more than it did had me perplexed until I gave it a bit more thought. Obviously, the word friend is used to describe various types of relationships-not just friendships. Come to think of it, I have friends who misuse the word friend, using it to describe someone with whom they might be creeping, sleeping, or otherwise carrying on. It didn’t cross my mind that this guy would misread our interaction. Maybe I am naïve, but I don’t assume that every man who talks to me is interested in me. For me, he couldn’t be anything other than a running partner. Ya’ll know I got a sweet thang. But he must be accustomed to dealing with women who play the friendship game; calling themselves friends but participating in activities that go beyond what would be included in a platonic relationship. Otherwise, why would he have this expectation?
Obviously, I am old school when it comes to being friends with men. I have quite a few very close male friends. For me, that is all we are now, all that we have ever been. As far as I know, that’s all we will ever be. I don’t blur the lines between myself and my male friends. There is just no reason to. That’s what my sweet thang is for. I also do not tell men that we can be friends with the intent of being more than friends. There is just no reason to. It may not be trendy to be upfront with people but I’ve found that it saves a lot of confusion in the long run. I won’t be sitting around wishing I never did it and wishing I never loved it, all because I used the word friend in the wrong context. No thank you. I will continue to be clear about my intentions with people, especially men.
If I do not intend to be more than friends, I will not pretend that I do. I know that most women will continue to play games with men by doing the following: going on dates with guys they aren’t interested in, taking multiple drinks from a guy at the club then proceeding to ignore his calls for the next two weeks, or stringing him along knowing that she is already involved with someone who she plans to remain involved with-all the while, claiming this guy as a friend. I just hope that you all understand that when we play these games, we change the rules for not only ourselves but for all the other women out there who are seeking true friendships and relationships. Do what you will, but as for me, I’ll maintain that we can’t be friends, unless we are truly being friends.
Candidly speaking, I’ve enjoyed our conversation.
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