Everything We Didn't Have

People always said I was spoiled growing up. I didn't see it. From what I understood of the word spoiled, it meant that I got everything I wanted when I wanted it. Well, I can definitely say that such was not the case! I didn't get half the stuff I wanted. I used to ask for a lot of stuff, but I didn't always get it.

I've been teaching long enough that I can pretty much figure out a student's home life without having ever spoken to his/her parents. Parents don't have (actually, won't make) time to talk to their kids. They have to work. They have to work to provide for their kids. They have to give their kids everything that they, the parents, "didn't have" growing up. It's not my place to tell parents how to raise their kids. Although I do know their kids' personalities very well, know their learning styles and what frustrates them, have to pet them when they are sad, encourage them when they feel self-doubt and check them when they get out of line; they are not my kids, and I have to realize that their parents have the right to raise them any way they see fit. Even if I think they are ruining them in the process.

You see, my students have a lot of stuff. They have expensive clothes, high tech phones/iPads, designer sunglasses, and some even drive luxury vehicles that cost more than what I earn in a year. If the goal of the parent is to give their kids everything that they didn't have, then I'd say they are right on track! If material items were all kids needed to develop into productive members of society then parents would be doing a stellar job. I just so happen to know, though, that its going to take a lot more than some Trues, Jordans, and fancy tablet to prepare kids for the real world. In giving their kids all that they did not have, parents have failed to give their kids all the things that they DID have.

Unless your parents are super young, you were raised by more than just your own parents. Nine times out of ten, grandmama, grandaddy, auntie, uncle, big cousin, and the nosey lady down the street, all had a hand in raising you. Hell, the neighborhood drunk may have even had to tighten you up a time or two and that was just fine with your mama and daddy as long as he wasn't telling you nothing wrong.

You had so much as a kid. You had parents who made you clean up and learn responsibility around the house. You had parents who were home every night and who actually knew what you had done all day long even if they had been working and couldn't be home with you. You had parents who in spite of financial difficulties, made sure that your basic needs were met and they made sure you understood that a child had to stay in a child's place-no matter how big and rusty your ass got.You had respect for adults. You knew not talk when grown folks were talking. You were courteous - you asked people how they were doing and you raked the yards or hung out laundry of old ladies in your neighborhood, whether they paid you or not. You had enough shame not to allow yourself to be seen doing or saying certain things in front of grown folks. You appreciated what your parents did for you, even if it wasn't always what you wanted. You knew that complaining about your teachers would only result in your parents telling you that if you'd only do what was asked of you, your teacher would have no reason to fuss at you. You had imagination. Because your parents didn't buy you every new toy you wanted, you were forced to go outside and find something to do. If you couldn't find anything to do, then you made something up. You had the things that mattered.

In spite of not getting everything I wanted, I can say that I did not lack for the essentials: food, shelter, clothing, and attention from my mother. My mama used to always say that my brother and I may not always have what was in style, but we would be clean and dressed neatly, our hair would be combed/brushed, and our stomachs would be full. She never let us down in that respect and if that constitutes us or me, being spoiled, then go ahead and change my name to Rotten! In fact, I wish more parents would "spoil" their children the same way that my mother spoiled me.

Again, I have no kids so what do I know? I am sure there are parents who can provide for their children AND instill values simultaneously. Sadly, though, most parents do not fall into this category. I just hope that more parents will realize that everything we didn't have pales in comparison to everything we did have. And, if it was good enough for us, why isn't it good enough for our kids?

If I didn't speak candidly, I wouldn't be me...