I remember when I was in my teens, I wanted to be a part of the 21 and over crowd. Then, in my early 20's, I couldn't wait to be 25 and over. Of course, when I reached my late 20's, I was ready to be 30. When I turned 30 years old, I had a huge birthday party to commemorate the occassion. There is something about being "30 and over" that just makes life seem different.
On New Years' Day, I had the pleasure of spending the first day of the year with my gyrlfriends. Unlike most groups of gyrlfriends, my gyrls and I rarely see each other. We don't gab on the phone for hours on end, nor are we frequently hooking up for nights out on the town. When I'm done writing this post, remind me to go pick a switch because we need our asses whooped for not making more time to spend together. Granted, we are women on the move, that is no reason to not take time out to check in with your gyrls.
During our time together, my gyrls and I talked about many-a-thing, but the conversation that continued to resonate after I'd gone home, and even over a month later, was the "over 30" conversation. One of my gyrls tossed out the phrase, "you know you're over 30 when..." and we all had to complete the statement. We came up with the following list:
You know you're over 30 when...
...you don't spend money in stores that don't appreciate your business - no matter how badly you want that merchandise.
...you have no filter. No more tongue-biting for the sake of being nice.
...you don't cuss out people who clearly deserve to be cussed out. (Seemingly a contradiction of the first point, BUT, instead of cussing them out, you tell 'em off nice-nasty).
...you learn to appreciate people for who they are, rather than trying to change them.
...you know who your real friends are and who your real friends aren't (I think the latter may be more important than the former).
...you no longer feel the need to live up to society's standards and you don't care what anyone thinks about it.
...you are not afraid to lose it all and start over.
...you no longer chase people or situations, but wait for them to come in due time.
The list goes on and I'm sure I have paraphrased what my gyrls really said, but you get the point.
I looked up the word "over" and what I found was interesting. The word over has about 25 definitions and can be used as a noun, verb, preposition, adverb, and adjective. What do my gyrls and I really mean when we say we are over 30? One definition states that over means "more than", as in, "I raised over the amount of my goal." Another defines it as "finished, no longer in progress"; as in, "the party is over. It has ended." I got 'ta thankin' bout this thang and I wondered, are we 30 and over OR are we over 30?
Getting to the place where you can truly come to terms with yourself, your situations, your mistakes and their consequences is big deal. It seems for the first time, my gyrls and I are all in that place. We all have found a particular brand of peace that isn't advertised. Most never find it. We all find ourselves facing what would be considered by all accounts, "tough times", but as we went around the table and said what made us over 30 (more than 30 years old), there was an aire of confidence, satisfaction, and empowerment that can only come from being over 30 (having lived more than 30 years).
So I guess we are a little of both. We are over 30, more than 30 years old, with the wisdom that could only come from the decisions and circumstances that plagued our 20's and the years preceding them. But we are also 30 and over...we are finished and no longer dealing with things that don't matter. We are over the stress, over the games, and over the drama that sometimes attracts our attention when we have not lived long enough to know what does and does not matter.
So, for all my grown-ass women, are you 30 and over, or are you just over 30?
I just felt like being candid...
No comments:
Post a Comment