Friendly Competition

Many years ago, I remember starting on a manuscript (it was literally a manuscript, handwritten and all) and being very excited about it. I was so excited that I took it to Wednesday night church service to show a friend. Her response was, "Why are you doing that?" Sadly, I can't say that I was surprised because that was a common response from this particular friend. Oddly enough, this same person expected trumpets whenever she was doing something that she deemed to be positive. It took me years and a true friend to realize that this person was not at all my friend. She was a competitor. She wanted and needed to feel as if she was doing better than me, therefore, she never encouraged my growth. Instead, she questioned, scrutinized, and criticized anything that I was doing. Needless to say, we are no longer friends. What brings about this type of competitive behavior among individuals who claim to care for one another? The answer is simple: jealousy.

Jealousy causes people to say and do things that will hinder the progress of others. When people see something in others that they do not see in themselves, but wish they did, they have a choice to make: either they will cling to the person and try to learn all they can, or they will lash out and be nonsupportive. For years, I allowed nonsupportive people to hinder my progress.

Growing up and finding real friends has changed all of that. You see, now I have surrounded myself with like-minded individuals, who are all doing great things. There is no room for jealousy in this circle-we are too busy learning from each other. My success is my friends' success and vice versa. We educate, motivate, and celebrate each other. I have no room for those with a competitor's mentality. I look to my friends for encouragement to continue to pursue those things that make me better. As a friend, I try to instill the same in them.

You may ask, "what's a little competition among friends"? In my opinion, it is the most toxic form of jealousy, that when left uncheck, can ruin friendships. If you are consistently the smartest, best-dressed, most-informed person in your circle, perhaps it is time for a new circle. From whom will you learn? I am not suggesting that you dump all of your friends, but I am suggesting that you meet new ones, who are engaged in things that are different than what you might be doing. When you find these new friends, do not look at them with contempt for what they have, rather look to them for motivation to strive to do more in your own life. As a dancer, I love to dance next to the best dancer in the studio. I do this because I know it will force me to push myself to dance with better technique. Quite frankly, I don't want to look crazy!

Today's blog is dedicated to all the wonderful girlfriends in my life. It's easy to be inspired by Oprah Winfrey, Tyra Banks, or Kathy Hughes, but when you can scroll through your contact log, see the names of women you know personally, and become inspired, that is something special.

Thank you for reading and take care until the next Candid Conversation.